Goodbye

"Kids it's almost time to go," she said with a rise voice. She was in the kitchen pouring a class of milk and waiting to hand out the day's lunches. She looked at me, another sleepless night for her.

"Morning Mom," Jake said entering the kitchen.

"Good morning honey," She said watching him grabbed a pop tart out of the cabinet.

"Here's your lunch and you have your homework, right?"

"Yeah, I have it. What are you doing today?"

"I'm thinking about going to work," she said and placing the milk back into the refrigerator.

"You don’t have to, don’t rush yourself."

"I'm not," she said turning back to him. "Oh, don’t forget about practice tonight, you guys need to be ready for the playoffs Saturday." A car horn blew, as she finished.

"Thanks Mom," he said as he gave her a hug. "I got to go," and he picked up his lunch and walked out the door.

"Jenny"

"Right here Mom," Jenny said walking it the kitchen.

"Sorry, here is your homework, and lunch baby," pushing them to her across the island.

"It's okay. You're going to work today," Jenny asked, sitting on a stool at the island, and grabbed an orange.

"Thinking about it"

"People will understand if you don’t go"

"I know. Don’t forget dance was changed to tonight"

"Okay Mom. I have to go," Jenny, said standing up, and giving her a hug, "Have a good day Mom."

"I will," She said giving a kiss on Jenny's cheek, then Jenny got her lunch and homework and she was out the door.

The house became quiet. They are great kids. She looked up at me again, "I better get ready," and left going to our, her room. I stayed in the kitchen. She came back down with light makeup on, and her hair up. The dress she put on, was sleeveless, sliver, came just over here knees, and it hugged her. It's my favorite. Walking passed me she picked up her cell phone, purse, and went out the door. She locked it behind her.

I followed her to work, and watched her through the window. She was talking to her secretary, looking calm and, smiling. When the secretary left, she stopped smiling and stopped playing with the papers on her desk. She looked up and at me. Can she see me? She looked away when the secretary came back. They talked for a few minutes, but she was not smiling. The two hugged and then she left the office.

Back home she was sitting in my chair and reading a book. After some time of her reading and me just being there with her, she looked up.

"I know you're here. I want you to know, we will be okay. You were great with the kids. You were a good to me," She said smiling, and pausing. "You are in our hearts. But you are needed at another place."

"I will miss you my dear," I said, touching her cheek.

"I will miss you too," she said, touching her cheek.

Pocahontas State Park

Xalea

Xalea was kneeling in the meadow, her face scattered with blood, her eyes blinded by tears, and blood running down her sword arm from the blood soaked bandage. She looked up to the blue cloudless sky, and smeared the blood with her hand, as she tried to wipe the tears away. Hearing a sound from behind her, she spanned around, switching knees, gripped her sword, and looked toward the way she enter the meadow. "How did they track me so fast" thinking she been followed, but only to see a doe and her fawn jumping out from the forest. Sighing and releasing her grip as her side filled with pain, "Two broken ribs," saying as she felt of her left side, "I need to sleep." Pushing off the ground with the help of her right fist, and then using her sword for more leverage, she stood up. She looked over the flower-covered meadow to her favorite spot. Using her sword as a walking stick, she limped to the tree she planted a thousand years ago. The tree, and possibly her only friend left, looked over the valley from a cliff. When she reached it, she fell to her knees, put her back to the tree, and looked over the valley. With the last of her power, she summoned hawk vision. She could barely see the rising smoke from her destroy home. Xalea crossed her legs, laying the sword, her across her knees, with its handle in her left hand, its blade in the palm of her right hand, and left both hands open. She closed her eyes, her heart slowed, and then coming to a stop a few minutes later.

Eighteen hours had passed when Xalea gasp for new air, as her heart restarted. Remaining motionless, she opened her eyes to a dark unfocused world. Her body awoke slowing as her body warm form the blood traveling through it. As her eyes refocused to the early morning star filled sky. She reached over, with her right hand, to her left arm and removed the blood-crusted bandage. The mortal injuring had healed.
Xalea closed her left hand, around the sword's handle, and twisted as the memories from the last day came back to her. Xalea took her sword and stabbing the ground, and pushed herself up from the ground, and look pass the valley toward her home, "You will pay until time itself stops, for I am Xalea, an immoral of the Starhawk Clan.

reading phobia?

I read an article of a study about the reading habits of Americans. The average of books read, is 17. The study also stated, "19% of respondents aged 16 and over said that they hadn't read a single book in any format, over the previous 12 months." This means to their figures, 50 million Americans don't read books at all." I will link the article at the end.

This got me thinking why the number is high. However, I was thinking more along the lines, I bet some who do not read, have had bad experiences with reading. I can relate. Reading aloud or silently is not an easy thing for me to, while it is easy for everyone else. I guess you could call it a "reading phobia" if one wants to take that far, started in school. It always took me at least three times longer to finish the silent reading, and still not understanding it. Reading aloud in class was the worse. I could not say most of the words correctly, and always being corrected. After many years of being told I could not read, I gave up. I never read anything for enjoyment. Still today, I find it hard to pick up a book and read it for fun.

http://goo.gl/b7G7B

I was sitting in a park alone, people watching, and enjoying being outside. When I realized the park was a prop. We think the environment is something we can change and use for our own deeding. I mean look at what time of year it is, springtime. When people go and buy pretty plants to make their house look more curbside appealing. The thinking seems to be pretty yards equal to a "good" person. We use up the most valuable resource for something that has no beneficial factor for us at it all. We could use that water to grow our own food. But why do that when driving a few miles down the road can get you a tomato. Some might say, that God made the world for us to use. If, that is true, God made it for us to use, but not to abuse. However that is what we are doing, we are abusing this world. And two things happen when something is abused for long enough. It will give up or it will fight back. It is only a matter of time, when Earth will do one of these things. If Earth gives up and dies, we will die also. If Earth fights back, fun times will not be had by all. We need to do is show some care toward Earth and then we might be okay.

I know many people are doing their part in saving Earth,and us. However, it seems, there are many more people that do not care about the environment. I am just saying we can do a better job than we are now.

On a late spring night, I was setting on our deck waiting to see a cat fight. We were having trouble with other cats fighting our cats. So, I was sitting in the dark, with the outside lights off, to see if anything was going to happen. I looked up at the stars, and saw a plane coming in for a landing at the airport. This was a normal thing. I looked away to pick up my binoculars, that I use mostly to look at the stars. With nothing else to do, I was going to follow the plane with them. When I looked back up, the plane was gone. I mean it was gone. It did not go over, because I would have heard that, and I know it was coming toward me. It did not turn left or right, because I would have been able to see it. That thing was gone.

The Darkness

It is gets harder find the light each time the darkness grows thick around me. The war with depression is tedious, but it must be won. However, the skirmishes continue to no end.

I have been pill popping, on and off, for many years. The last round on them lasted for eight months, and everything was going okay. I was feeling better, didn’t want to hide, and the other beneficial factors were acting their parts also. Nonetheless, I stopped taking them, as I always do when feeling better. Within six months, the darkness had hidden the light again. The decision was made, and I was to go to counseling. I have gone to counseling before, but it never had an impact on me. This time it has to work. Four visits in and I want to stop going. I could give "reasons" why to stop, "I don’t like the counselor," "it's not working," "it's inconvenient," and so on. However, none of it would be true. The counselor is okay, and it's far from being inconvenient. A sense of lost however has filtered through the darkness. The darkness has been with me for so long, it is a part of me, and I would miss it. It is true it only brings me the feeling of, darkness. At least I know I can feel when the darkness is occupying me. I am not sure if I can feel anything but darkness. If I let it go, I might not be able to feel again.

It is occurring to me, I might be afraid of winning the war.

Snow Pictures February 20